The Hidden Wounds of Nursing
A nurse reached out to me, at her breaking point. She was between jobs, she left abruptly seeking something new, but beneath the career transition was a deeper pain. As we spoke, she described how she had come to this country with great skills, yet felt unsupported, undervalued, and even mistreated by her own colleagues and management. As she shared, she broke down in tears. The pain was raw, deep, and unshakable.
I simply held space for her. "It’s okay to cry," I said. "This is hard." Then I asked, "What would it be like if this toxicity no longer had the power to define your worth? What if you could step fully into your authentic self and rise above the chaos?" As we continued, I saw a shift—her inner light breaking through the pain.
This just happened yesterday, but it’s an age-old problem in nursing: hurt nurses hurting other nurses.
A field built on compassion, care, and healing has paradoxically fostered environments where nurses tear each other down instead of lifting each other up. We blame a broken system, but if we’re honest, the dysfunction isn’t just out there—it’s in us. And unless we address the wounds within, we will continue to perpetuate the very toxicity we despise.
Why Do Nurses Hurt Each Other?
The cycle of lateral violence, bullying, and unsupportive behavior among nurses stems from deeply ingrained thinking patterns. Here’s what’s really happening:
Unconscious Behavior Some nurses don’t even recognize their actions as harmful. They believe it’s “just the way it is.” "Tough love" and hazing new nurses is seen as a rite of passage rather than a destructive cycle.
Justification & Rationalization Many justify their actions in the name of patient safety or professional standards. "If I had to go through it, so should they" is a common, but flawed, belief.
Projection of Personal Trauma Many nurses have been victims of toxicity themselves and unknowingly pass it down. High stress, understaffing, and emotional exhaustion lead to misplaced frustration.
Power & Control Issues Some exert dominance to mask their own insecurities or lack of fulfillment. Leadership roles sometimes foster control through fear rather than mentorship.
Peer Pressure & Cultural Norms Toxic unit cultures normalize cliques, gossip, and exclusion.
Nurses fear speaking up against toxicity, fearing retaliation or isolation.
The Silent War in Nursing
This isn’t just about burnout or difficult working conditions. When refer to this resistance I Mean this inner soul tiredness that bock the nurse from stepping in to who they are. There is an internal war happening within nurses themselves:
The resistance to passion—because the system feels broken.
The resistance to mentoring—because there’s no energy left to give.
The resistance to change—because past efforts have failed.
Over time, this hardens into cynicism, people fatigue, and emotional withdrawal. It convinces nurses they are powerless, but at what cost?
Shifting the Narrative: Healing from the Inside Out
If we truly want to change the culture of nursing, policy changes and leadership training alone won’t cut it. True transformation starts with self-awareness, emotional mastery, and conscious shifts in thinking habits.
Here’s how:
Recognize & Acknowledge the Wound Healing begins when we stop suppressing our own hurt and start addressing it. We must process past trauma, not pass it on to the next generation.
Break the Cycle of Toxicity Challenge outdated mentalities like “this is just the way it is.” Create a culture of a unique type of mentorship I call “InsideOut mentorship and mutual support, rather than hazing and judgment.
Develop Emotional Resilience Stop reacting from past wounds and start responding with clarity. Learn to protect your core identity from external toxicity.
Commit to Walking Alongside Each Other The real power in nursing lies in unity. Healing happens when we show up for each other—not as competitors, but as allies.
A Call to Action: Lead with Compassion
Beyond the credentials, the degrees, and the protocols, we are humans first. And if we truly want to transform the culture of nursing, it cannot start with policies or leadership mandates—it must start within us. Because when a nurse heals, the profession heals.
For years, we have been conditioned to endure, to sacrifice, and to measure our worth by how much we can give before we break. But real change does not come from enduring more—it comes from understanding ourselves in a way we’ve never been taught. It begins with recognizing the internal patterns that keep us stuck in cycles of stress, frustration, and emotional exhaustion.
True leadership in nursing is not about position—it is about presence. When we start to shift our own energy, when we clear the unseen weight we carry, we create a ripple effect. We show up differently. We lead with clarity, not reaction. We connect rather than compete. We cultivate an environment where nurses are empowered rather than drained.
This journey of self-discovery is not about adding more to your plate—it’s about seeing with new eyes. It’s about untangling the internal resistance that has been silently shaping our experience.
For those who feel drawn to explore this work on a deeper level, there is an opportunity to go further. A small group of us will be gathering to uncover these patterns and step into a new way of leading—without force, without burnout, without losing ourselves in the process. Message me for information and we can explore further
But whether you take that step or not, know this: The shift begins with you. The way forward is not in waiting for the system to change. It is in becoming the kind of nurse who transforms the system simply by how they show up.
